Navigating Grief in Your Professional Network: How to Show You Care
- Nina Tilka
- Mar 19
- 4 min read
When someone in your professional network experiences the loss of a loved one, it can be difficult to know whether—or how—to reach out. Unlike a close friend or family member, your relationship may be more ambiguous. You might know them well enough to feel compassion for their loss but not well enough to be sure how to offer support.
While grief is deeply personal, small gestures of kindness can make a meaningful impact.
Here are some ideas of how to navigate this delicate situation with care and respect:
1. What You Say and How You Reach Out Depends on Your Relationship
Not every professional connection is the same, so before reaching out, consider:
How do you usually communicate? If you typically exchange emails, sending a heartfelt email is appropriate. If you usually chat over coffee at conferences, a quick text or message may feel more natural.
How much personal information have you shared in the past? If you've talked about family, life challenges, or personal experiences before, it may feel more natural to offer support. If your conversations have been strictly business-related, a simple acknowledgment might be best.
How close are you, really? If you're in regular contact, it’s reasonable to check in later, not just immediately after the loss. If your connection is more distant, a single message of support may be enough.
Don’t be weird. If you normally don’t have deep conversations, don’t suddenly try to become their closest confidant. If you rarely text, don’t send a long emotional message out of the blue. Keep your outreach appropriate to your existing relationship.
Don't make this about you and your loss. It’s natural to want to relate by sharing your own experiences with grief, but be mindful about your urge to connect with them on that level, especially in the beginning stages of their loss. Saying, “I know exactly how you feel” or launching into a story about your own loss can shift the focus away from them. Instead, keep the attention on their experience by simply acknowledging their loss and offering support. If they ask about your experience, that’s different—but let them lead that conversation.
2. Consider How You Learned About the Loss
Before reaching out, think about how you became aware of their loss. If they shared the news directly—whether through social media, a conversation, or an email—this is a sign they’re open to acknowledgment. In this case, a simple message expressing your condolences can go a long way.
If you heard about the loss indirectly (through a colleague, mutual contact, or an obituary), tread carefully. If you don’t have a close connection, you may decide that giving them space is more appropriate. However, if you feel compelled to reach out, a brief, considerate message like, “I just learned about your loss, and I wanted to send my sincere condolences” is appropriate.
3. Offer Simple, Thoughtful Gestures
You don’t have to be a close friend to show support. Some meaningful ways to acknowledge their grief include:
Sending a handwritten note or card expressing your condolences.
Dropping off or mailing a small care package with comforting items like tea, snacks, or a candle.
Bringing them coffee or a meal if you’re local and feel it would be well-received.
Offering to sit with them—sometimes quiet companionship is just as meaningful as conversation.
4. Offer Practical Help (Even from a Distance)
Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. If you feel comfortable, consider offering specific, practical support, instead of simply saying "Let me know if you need anything."
Running errands (picking up groceries, dropping off dry cleaning, or mailing packages).
Helping with pet care (walking a dog, feeding a cat, or even arranging pet-sitting).
Taking care of household tasks (offering to mow their lawn, shovel snow, or water their plants).
Assisting with technology (if they need help organizing online memorials, handling social media updates, or troubleshooting practical issues).
They may decline your offer at first, but you may come to mind later when they are overwhelmed with a list of tasks in front of them.
If you’re not local, you can still offer support by sending a meal delivery gift card, arranging for a cleaning service, or contributing to a memorial fund.
5. Respect Their Boundaries and Grieving Process
If your relationship is professional rather than personal, it’s important to let them take the lead in terms of communication. Some people may be open to conversation, while others may prefer to grieve privately. In any kind of grief situation, if they don’t respond to your message, don’t take it personally. Simply let them know you’re thinking of them without pressing for a reply.
6. Continue Your Support Over Time
Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. In fact, many people find the weeks and months afterward the most difficult, as the to-do lists become shorter and the initial support from friends and family fades. There is no timeline for grief. A simple “Thinking of you” message down the road can be incredibly meaningful. If appropriate, you might invite them for coffee or check in when in-person to see how they’re doing.
7. Know When to Step Back
It’s important to gauge the level of closeness and ensure your support is appropriate, particularly if your relationship is mostly professional. If you don’t normally interact outside of work settings, a brief expression of condolences may be enough. If you sense they prefer privacy, respect that. Sometimes, simply knowing that others care is comforting, even if no further action is needed.
Final Thoughts
Reaching out in times of grief can feel uncertain, especially when your relationship falls somewhere between acquaintance and friend. However, small gestures of kindness—whether a simple message, a practical offer of help, or an act of quiet support—can make a meaningful difference. The key is to be thoughtful, offer without pressure, and respect their space.
Even if they don’t respond, they will likely remember your kindness in a time of loss.
